Signed, Mom

My life is a string of unfortunate events. It's not peaches and cream. It's more like salt and vinegar chips.

I have this box, not like a shoe box but it's a box. Well it's not really a box more like a wooden chest. It's where I keep my secret collection. I collect cards, greeting cards to be exact. Every birthday, Christmas, graduation card you name it I got a card for every significant occasion in my life. This collection of cards have come from many friends, family and colleagues. I hold cards because they each are near and dear to me. Sometimes I go back and read through all of them. They make me stronger. They show that I have support and show that I am loved.

When we search for a card we put a lot of thought into our purchase. Cards show how much we love, appreciate and celebrate the recipient. I usually have to read thru a couple of cards before making the right choice. Although I don't buy cards that often I thoroughly enjoy receiving them. That's something I need to work on.

After my parents, Aunt Debbie and Uncle Jimmy, (now I know you might be confused but just keep reading), gained custody of me I would often look in the mail for cards. It had been a couple of months since I was with my mother and thanksgiving had already passed Christmas and I'm pretty sure a birthday.

One day I did get some mail it was an envelope from my mother. I was so happy to receive a card I opened it I read. I looked for a note, an apology, something!  All that was there was

, Mom

Mom? that's it? Mom?...no I'm coming to visit you. No, how are you doing? no I miss you but just 

, Mom.

To this day I am still excited when I receive a card. Maybe this is the one? I ask myself. Why wouldn't you want to send a card to someone you love? When it's not the one I'm looking for I just add to my obnoxious collection and continue waiting... Maybe just one more card would make me feel loved, feel wanted, feel missed but here's the funny thing I'm still waiting on my card (cards).

Recently I've received a few new cards, but none like any I've received previously. Sympathy cards. I'm thankful for those who were thoughtful enough to send and give these. I've cried reading each and everyone. I appreciate you. You make me strong, these cards help me heal.

Although Ill never receive another card from her I will cherish the one that I do have because it does show that I was loved even though all that was there was

, Mom

...maybe I'm just writing too much and should have just signed this

,Your Son

And this is life...

And This is Life...

This will be the first of my mini blog series. I am deciding to write a book about my life. I'm using this blog to get out all my feelings and honestly talking about them to anyone is not my style. So I am going to allow my fingers to do the talking for me. So what you read will be an excerpt from my book which will be published later in life. I'm writing as I experience it, life is so complex. As Christians we often avoid our feelings, this is my way of confronting them. God is able to heal but we must let things go in order to hear from him and allow Him to do His work. Many of the things you read might come as a surprise. My life is not perfect nor does it come without trials. The inspiration to write comes from my friends, Taryn and Elaina, who I met in college. They have become a vital part of my family. So enjoy, I'm praying that whoever reads these will be blessed to let things of the past go. I'm also hoping this will heal so many people as it is helping in my own healing process. I leave you by saying

And This Is Life...